Being Blessed

Being Blessed...

At work, we have an Annual Fish Fry.  The attendance is usually about 350 people.  With the rain this year, as you can imagine, the attendance was somewhat lower.  I was totally exhausted by the end of the day and was still supposed to go to my Recovery Group meeting preceded by a "Good Friday" program at the church. 

Anyway, I gave in and stayed at home.  Tried to watch a movie with my daughter, but gave out and went home to bed.  Saturday morning I was still not feeling well, as I have been under the weather for awhile.  My chest hurt and I couldn't breathe, so I got up and took myself to the Dr. office.  After x-rays and a shot later, I was on my way home to pick up the meds the Dr. had given to me.  Stopped for gas and went to the pharmacy, only to be told there weren't ready yet...that was as 2pm.  I knew I had to leave for the Easter Service at church by 3:15 and knew I could stop to pick it up before I went.  Time got away from me and I didn't make it to the pharmacy, only to be told they would close at 6pm - too late to pick up after church - and wouldn't open until Monday at 8am.  ok...fine... :( 

Went to a lovely Easter Service at the church with friends and my daughter.  Since I couldn't pick up my meds until Monday, we went to dinner.  Went home to watch the anticipated Les Miz only to give up 1/2 way through and go home and go to bed...seemed like the shot was helping. 

Sunday seemed strange, as the church had asked the regulars to go Saturday instead of Sunday to make way for all the people who only go on Easter.  so, I slept in for awhile and took my dog out, then cleaned on the house and started some chili.  I WAS feeling better...didn't do much but I wanted to watch the last episode of "The Bible" that evening.  It was really good!

So....I get to this morning...April Fool's Day...

Picked up my meds at 8am and was on my way to work.  Going across the River Bridge - 6 lanes of traffic!  I heard a loud thumping sound...now I have a car that is just 1 year old and I'm listening to a loud thumping sound.  I can't stop and the next exit is a ways down the road.  After exiting, I go to the stop light...there is a man there pointing at my car.  Yes..I think, I know it has a flat...How did I get a flat with new tires??? I turn the corner and parked and the man is standing beside the car and asks me if I have a spare...I don't have a clue...I've never looked...so I open the trunk and lo and behold, there is a spare with a jack and all!!! It took him 10 min to change the tire.  I don't ever carry cash with me but since I went to the bank this morning, I kept some out.  My tire was fixed by a very nice man and he had $10 in his pocket.  I was so blessed he stopped to help.

I finally got to work and called Austin Brothers, they had worked on my Sebring several times.  I asked if they had time to fix the tire and put it back on, and Tony said to bring it on in.  So for lunch, I had my tire fixed and replaced.  Took them all of about 15  min.  Tony said they were done and I could take it then.  When I asked how much, he said it was no bother.  Just come back and see them. 

Wow! Jesus really blessed me abundantly!!  What could have been a horrible time turned out great! 

Thanks you Jesus!  You know what we need before we do and God provides the way!

Now to watch the rest of the movie...

Talk about Grace!

Today I'm going to blog about Parenting....

I thought it would be appropriate since it was Easter...He is risen!!!

God sent his son into the world to become His word in the flesh.  Jesus knew no sin, all his life, until that day at Calvary.  He was nailed on the cross by his hands and feet, can you imagine the pain He endured? The weight of His body, hanging from the nails?  A crown of thorns that dug into His flesh? Again, Jesus knew no pain of sin until that day.  That day, He gave His life and took upon Himself ALL the sins of everyone on earth, to save them from their death by sin.  Imagine living with no pain and no sin until you are thrust upon a cross, to bear unimaginable pain and suffering for others! My mind cannot get a grip around it.  

God sent his son Jesus into the world to save ALL of us.  None of us are perfect and are sinners, every day we live.  All we have to do is to accept Jesus as our Savior and we are accepted into the Kingdom of God .  Sounds simple, right? Well, the first step is. 

God, in sending his Son had to endure the pain of watching him die at the hands of cruel, ruthless, heartless people.  He was hurt beyond comprehension and God watched and could not do anything because He knew the outcome before it happened. God always knows what is going to happen because he wrote the book of our lives.  I cannot imagine Him and the anguish He felt at watching His son go through that agonizing death.  

Having gone through the death of a loved one, so tiny and without sin, at the hands of another, who was careless and in rage, I know that God knows how I feel.  The anger, rage, hopelessness, hurt, the longing, missing them (however, now Jesus is with God), grief....He knows all the emotions I feel.

God was and is the best parent. We just have to be quiet and listen to Him.  He loved His son and us enough to give Him to us to take our infirmities and then took Him home with Him to sit at His right hand.  How God must have wept watching what His son had to endure.

We as parents, I believe most parents, strive to do the best for our children.  We have our mothers as role models and we read books to try to be the best we can.  We make choices to be like our parents or change what we did not like as we, ourselves, were growing up.  Again, we do the best with the knowledge we have.

I always spent time with my kids, especially since their father was gone most evenings.  We went to the parks, rode bicycles, played, they had their friends over, no matter how many, there was always room for more.  God gives us our children for a little while, to instill in them His good ways.  The commandments to live by.  Again, we do the best we can.

I have a friend whom I sat with at church, who is having a problem getting her 13 year old to go to church.  She said the girl has drawn a line in the sand about doing anything with church.  Doesn't matter what church or where.  During the service God gave me a question to ask her and when the service was over, I did.  He said to ask her how old her daughter was...13...and where, as a mother did she draw her line in the sand for her daughter.  She looked at me and said she really hadn't thought of it like that.  BUT God did!!

My children are good, abiding kids.  Both grown, both loved their grandparents and are kind and considerate of others.  So, when one was unhappy with some things they thought I did or didn't do, I told them I did the best I could.  Their reply was, "well, it wasn't good enough".  In that moment, I had to make a choice and realized, this was the child in them talking or I could have taken it upon myself to let it fester and never seen or talked with them again.  I decided, since I was also told, "I don't care if I have a relationship with you", I had to, again be the mother and decide to forgive them and know that they are my child and even if they didn't want to have a relationship with my now, someday that might change. 

I love my kids equally, they are both very different in their personalities, stature and beliefs.  That is what I love the most about them.  They didn't have to be disciplined the same because they ARE different souls.  One accepts and is quiet, but has anger inside.  They are learning about how different life becomes and how it changes with their growing older.  The other challenges EVERYTHING, has to learn about everything themselves, but they are learning they can love and are learning to accept love.

We have all been children, just borrowed from God for a little while.  If we continue to grow is His teachings, our life with grow with love and He will help us endure.  I have learned to be still and "hear" what He wants for me.  Yes, it's difficult, but with His help, every minute of every day....I am blessed!!

God's Grace endures... forever!

Bibles....God's word written down...

I have found a wonderful Bible!  I have been attending Celebrate Recovery on Friday nights for awhile now. During one evening I went to look at the tables they set out before CR started.  They had the CR Bible out, so I naturally started thumbing through it!  I think I already have 4 Bibles, what is 1 more :)

I purchased mine and immediately thought about my daughter and how this would be good for her!  So, I went back and bought another for her.  This is the most awesome Bible I've seen.  Not only does it have the 12 steps, the 8 Beatitudes, but stories of people who have "walked through the fire" of Recovery with God!  The Bibles were soft covered and did not stand up.  About a week later, I decided I wanted a hard backed one and bought one.  With an extra one, I now had to decide what to do with it.  So, I gave it to another and had them promise to read it, which they promptly promised!!

I have 2 more people I would like to give this type of bible to.  I truly believe this will be a blessing to both.  I know God will bless them when they read it... This is God's wish for me to do. Please pray I will have the ability to buy these and that they be received in the manner of giving.

God is such a gracious God!  Answer the knock on the door when God comes, you will never be disappointed.

Grace...

Trust...

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight"  Proverbs 3:5-6

I think sometimes we like to put our trust in each other.  My mom always said, "people have feet of clay".  That means people are not God and they do not have the footholds God does.  Everytime I used to put my faith in another, I was disappointed. I EXPECTED, yes, there's that "E" word again, the people to do or be what "I" thought they should be or what they had promised they would be.  I expected to be able to trust them and sometimes was terribly disappointed.  My fault... 

If I give the situations to God and let Him handle them, things end up better, just not as soon as I would like...  Of course, MY time is not GOD's time.  I have no right being disappointed over not receiving MY expectations.

Again, I have trusted and have been misled.  I have a wonderful Accountability Partner.  She is not shy about telling me what she see's and giving me God's word.

As a woman, I can tell you it was ingrained in me when I was little to trust others, to not listen to my inner voice, but to listen to others, who knew better.  If I had listened to my inner voice, I would have not done some of the things I did.  I wish I had listened to to my inner voice over the years.  I think my inner voice was learning to hear God's voice.

Through Denial, I have learned that I cannot Isolate myself anymore.  When I Isolate, I stuff my feelings.  When I stuff my feelings, I get depressed.  AND when I get depressed, I need my therapist.  In April, I will start a new Therapy Session.  Hopefully, before that I will start my Step Classes.  I've completed the 1st part of the 1st Step.  It was very enlightening and didn't enjoy it...lol!!!  However, I do know it opened my eyes about being able to dis-associate.  I learned to dis-associate at the age of 3.  I really think that was when I learned not to trust, completely.  I had my "outside" face which did whatever I was told and whatever I needed to "be a good girl".  I grew up having my "outside" and my "inside".  And, so I lived....until now.

I am going to trust in the Lord with all my heart.  I believe He will bring out the "inside" me.  This is something I look forward to very much.  I will trust in Him and I will listen to what He wants me to be.

I will practice Grace within myself to wait upon the Lord....

Until next time...

Grace Makes All the Difference
 

If life is… “because I have to”—where’s the joy in that? Too often I hear folks rejecting Christ because they think the Christian life is all about rules and regulations—all about stifling and suffocating ritual.

This happens when we confuse Christ with legalism. Legalism is joyless because it’s endless. There’s always another class to attend. Inmates incarcerated in self-salvation find work, but never joy!

Grace! It makes all the difference. I like this quote: “Gone are the exertions of law-keeping, gone the disciplines of legalism, the anxiety that having done everything we might not have done enough. We reach the goal, not by the stairs, but by the lift—God pledges his promised righteousness to those who will stop trying to save themselves!”

Grace offers rest. Legalism? Never!

From GRACE by Max Lucado

God's never ceasing GRACE...I have found that trying to "run" my life is much harder that living in God's Grace.  And it's SO exhausting! 

In order for me to follow His lead in this adventure, He is constantly giving me opportunities to USE what He is teaching me.  Asking God to teach me His Grace may be like praying for patience...only I DO know not to do that one!  Been there, Done that!

Learning how to have Grace with others is seeing them in a different light...God's light.  I listen more intently on the content of WHAT they are saying and listen HOW they are saying it.

Late last week I was trying to set up an appointment with someone to talk with them about helping out in a group at church, we just could not get a time that worked for both of us.  They had apologized for taking so long in getting back with me (which was 2 days...lol) and letting me know that the time set was not going work to either.  I told them it was ok and we would find another time.  They thanked me for the GRACE I showed them... That really hit me... It spread over me like a blanket.  So, this is what I am to show other people... This is the meaning of Grace.  God shows me this kind of Grace EVERY MINUTE of EVERY DAY.  Well, I thought that was easy...HA!!  So when the next time to listen to someone, of course my "self" wanted to "add to the conversation", but I asked myself how would God "handle" the situation if it were Him?  So, I LISTENED to all the person had to say and didn't say a word until they were done. I was praying about what HE would want me so say and when I did speak, it was with words of afirmation and building up that person. I guess the key for me is to BE QUIET and LISTEN more...

Now...if I can learn to do that ALL THE TIME!  **struggle**

Joy is what God wants for all of us. In learning to walk with Grace, Joy is given, freely and abundantly!

Grace....

God gives a small measure of Grace to unbelievers as a gift, so they may be able to believe in Jesus...

God gives Grace to believers to be "set free from sin".

So.. God's gift of Grace is just that...a gift...

As I was talking to one of the church Elders today, and he asked what my relationship was with God and how I came to "believe".

As I thought about it, I knew I was "saved" at the age of 12, because I desired to live with God and his ways. But, as I talked with him, I realized God's Grace started long before that age.  I began to tell him about my being adopted and how Grace was evident even then.  How I went from 1 family to another and the struggles I had, even at the age of 3.  Then how Grace was involved while I joined the Lutheran church, through my Grandmother being involved in the church and the presence of my Great Aunt and Godmother, encouraging me to attend weekly services until I joined the church.  I was married in the Lutheran church.  However, my Grandmother loved Martin Luther and what he had done for the Lutheran church.  God blessed her with the gift of painting.  She painted a picture of him for the church and it hangs there, even now...40 years later...

After my getting married and having 2 children, I felt I really needed God back in my life and I needed more than just going to church.  I started to attend a non-denominational church that the preacher preached right out of the bible.  I found I loved hearing him talk about God and I really liked hearing the Gospel.  But..the thing that REALLY drew me was the music.  The church had a praise and worship band that I felt "sang to my soul".  Music has always spoken to my heart.  It seems God has a way of infiltrating my heart and desiring to be closer to Him through music.

As I talked with the Elder I started to realize the amount and influence Grace has had on my life.  When Madi passed I wanted to crawl in a hole and never come out, however, I couldn't do that.  I think God gave me shock as the Grace I needed.  Being in shock for a time, I didn't really think or feel much.  I just acted and reacted to the moment.  What ever was happening at the moment. God protected me with His Grace.

After Madi's trial, I didn't want to do anything.  Shock and depression... Even though I had 2 businesses, a mother and mother-in-law  to be taken care of and my daughter whom I didn't want anything to happen to.  I was not in a position to keep going, however, I walked and talked whatever was needed.  Fear gripped my soul.  Loss was so big I couldn't get my heart around it.  I never lost Faith, though...If I hadn't had as much Faith in God as I had, I would not have made it through.  I'm not saying everything I did was the right thing, but I kept on pushing and eventually knew I couldn't do anymore.  I didn't WANT to do anymore.  I was hurting so much...I had to go on with life, the alternative is NOT a choice, and I couldn't lose my daughter, as my Granddaughter was gone.   I had to have help and God was the only one to help me...

No one understood my feelings and I couldn't talk with anyone but God.  He listened and I talked and talked.  He never got tire of listening... Not always getting an answer the way I wanted, but He answered in His way and I listened.

I continued talking with the Elder today, telling him how I got to where I live and why.  He looked at me and said I had certainly been through a lot and I definitely knew what God's Grace is all about. I don't know about that because I still have a lot to learn about God and his teachings.  I feel very blessed to be where I am today and I am learning to live with God's Grace.  I know He is my provider, my healer, He is my everything I depend on.  I have put All my Faith and belief in Him.

God says His Grace is sufficient unto me.....

More later...

What a joyous time of year.... God's grace is always abundant!  He shows me this every day in some way or another. 

This has been a very different kind of holiday season for me.  I was worried because I have always spent Christmas with my family... My kids and my Ex.  Seems funny, but I've spent my Christmas' with my Ex for so many years it just seems natural. 

The time I was at my son's house the week prior to Christmas still had me uneasy about the "real" Christmas time.  I thoroughly enjoyed the time with them and the grandkids.  I forgot how busy they are at 1 and 3.  Just being with them is a joy, no matter what we do...I just enjoy the fact that they belong to and are a part of me. 

It seems to me that so many of the things that go on are not a bother to me as they once were.  The kids being loud and busy are not a problem, as I would rather hear them enjoying themselves that to not hear anything at all coming from them.  It's a joyous time!  That's the way the holidays are supposed to be.  After all, it's about 1 main baby who was born that day... It's about the children...

Anyway, getting back to "the day"... I went to the Church for Christmas Eve service.  WHAT a BLESSING!!  The music was over the top, good! I even took a video of it.  During the service, I was so fortunate to be the recipiant of God's grace, again.... The love and support I felt was so overwhelming it brought me to tears.... God's love and grace overtook me....again.  It never ceases to amaze me when that happens.  He knows what I need and places it before at JUST the right time!!

I have had a peace about Christmas this year that I've never had before.  I know the REASON for the SEASON, but it was never more clear that this year.  Yes...the holiday is about family, but the real reason is Jesus... and what he brought to earth in his human form.  The love for everyone is really overwhelming.  What he gave to us is beyond my thoughts.  I am so grateful for His gift to me and others who will receive it! 

More to come...