Well, alot has happened since last April...being laid off has surely changed my life.  God gave me a scripture at that time and it has followed me ever since.  "Be still and know that I am God" I have been applying for new positions since that first day in April and every week since.  God provided a place to live at that time and has provided that since that time.  I did take a position at Target - I'm too old, I'm afraid to work like that.  I really enjoyed the work, however, I was told the hours would be 6:00am to 2:30pm and that's not what happened.  I was brought in at midnight and 4am to work either 5 or 8 hours.

I live on the top of Wye Mountain.  Literally ON THE TOP of the mountain.  I was driving 38 miles each way to work at a job that paid $8.25 per hour.  I was also being harassed every day that I worked, by my co-workers.  I told my supervisor, every day about it and sometimes she talked to them and they apologized.  But, they did the same thing the next day... When I told the HR manager the reason I was quitting, I told him everything that had gone on.

So...I'm still "being still" and still trusting YHWH!  He is the way, the truth and the light.

My family is going through some personal issues. Try as you might, you can only be the best parent you know how to be.  You learn from your parents things that you do and don't want to do when raising your children.  You also read the books that are available at the time.  You think you can trust your family and friends to watch your children and keep them safe. This is not the case...

I thought I could trust the family that I babysat for, for years.  That they would be fair and kind.  I thought I could trust family and learned I could not.  I thought...  TRUST - that's the key word.

I have loved my children since the moment I carried them.  I didn't wait to SEE them.  I loved that they were just...there.  I did everything I could to keep them safe and they had no doubt that I loved them unconditionally.  NO MATTER WHAT THEY DID!  Even when one went to jail for disorderly conduct.  Even when one had to tell me they used drugs and had a drug test coming up....would I please buy something to take the effects away.  I have moved across the country to help one to not commit suicide.  I have lived in fear of losing one or both... Does that make me a bad mother?  Does not knowing what things happened to them at the time make me a bad mother?  I think not.

I STILL love both my children - unconditionally!!! NOTHING - could make me not love them.  I may not like what they have done or are doing - but!! I still love them, more and more as time goes by.

To have a child tell me to stay out of their life or they didn't care whether I was in their life or not - it wasn't important, is devastating.  It hurts more than I can express.  I have never forgotten all those hurtful words.BUT I still love my child.  I just know I am no longer important in their life because I DIDN'T live up to THEIR expectations.

Ok, I'll stop for the day...more next time.

I am truly appreciative for God's GRACE. Every minute of every day...