Just because I am unwanted, does that mean I am unlovable?   Are they the 1 and the same? Being unwanted means to be deficient or to be not needed, am I in a state of destruction?  Does it mean I am lacking in something or is there something absent in me? Not to be desired?

What ever it is... I 'm sure I was made that way from the beginning, not when God made me, but in what and where my life went from that time.

I was counseling with Bill last year and told him how everything in my life, except my children, was a disappointment.  He asked what I was expecting my life to be like.  After a lot of thought and another week, I was finally able to voice my thoughts.  It seemed I was expecting people to act a certain way or expecting someone to act like I thought they should, I was always disappointed because it never turned out the way I "expected" things to go...or "expected" people to react.

It was a long Christmas last year...It was the hardest thing I did and I was SO very unhappy.  Every time I "expected" something to go the way I planned...guess what!! I would get disappointed because it never happened the way "I" wanted it to...I kept reminding myself to "not expect" ANYTHING... UGH!

Living with no expectations, at first, is sad, in the fact I felt like my life had suddenly come to a halt and I wasn't going to be happy anymore... NO EXPECTATIONS OF ANY KIND...but it was supposed to mean NO disappointments, too.

Now, a year later... I have learned to live with not having EXPECTATIONS... I am much happier because I am able to see things and people for WHAT they are and WHAT they want.  I was trying to push my EXPECTATIONS upon them. When things don't go as I EXPECT, I know God has a better plan and I must be quiet and listen.

I have a friend which I talked to about this last year and she has tried to put the practice into effect.  I've seen her stomp her feet when I use the "WORD".  However, she has learned the value of not EXPECTING things to go her way.  She still stomps her feet and we smile, but it has brought us close.

I have to thank Bill for  his "therapy" sessions...With learning to not have EXPECTATIONS, because they bring on disappointment... and depression.

When I had expectations and the disappointments would come, is when I would feel unwanted....

Go in God's Grace....

Divine Grace...

A virtue coming from God...   demonstrates compassion for those less fortunate...

I have felt unwanted for almost all my life... From being taken away and, granted, put within a most wonderful family, to my growing up.  God gave me my Mom and Dad and they were wonderful and loved me the best they knew how, as we all parents do with our children.   That was God's Grace in action.  Being put into the huge family, that I was, left those who were there before me, a kind of jealousy.  They had my Mom for many years before I came into their lives and the some of the family were not pleased.  Thus, it made me feel "unwanted". I was blessed with 2 members who loved me and continue to this day.  I have no doubts they love and want me. During my growing years there were many times there were comments made either to me or that I heard, about me "not being part of the family".  Two of my Aunts actually said that to me and to my Mom.  Mom thought it was ridiculous and let it go.  However, it, again, made me feel "unwanted"...

When I got married, I felt "special" for awhile, but after the new wore off, and the hitting began, I was left feeling "unwanted" again.  Every time I went through a period when I was hit or belittled, I was left feeling "unwanted".  As the years went by, I leaned on God's Grace more and more.

More to come...

Well, it's time to get started...

For the past few months I have been learning about Grace...specifically, God's Grace.  Thus the title...My Passage into Grace.  I've read several books, including what the Bible says about it.  Grace is given to each believer as an energizing strength that  flows from Christ and operates through the Holy Spirit.

I know I live in God's Grace daily.  Some times more than others.

Grace is a gift from God.  I didn't do anything to deserve it.. God gives it to me because "I believe" in Him. God's Grace imparts mercy, forgiveness, and the desire and power to do God's will. Christian life, from beginning to end is dependent on it.

Just look at today...I woke up way too early to get ready for church.  Laying in bed, with Mac...my dog, I tried to go back to sleep and finally got up to shower.  Showered and ready to go, I still didn't get out of the house until 8:15 am.  I feel God's Grace every time I get into my car.  The car was a Gift...I didn't think I would ever get another NEW car.  However, the Lord let me know when to go look and 2 hours later, I drove off the lot with my new, little, gas saving, car.  Now, my Sebring was another gift. Similar situation, years earlier.

When I "listen" to what God is telling me and I am obedient, life is easier.  How often I haven't listened, though.  What would have happened if I had listened from the start?

Forgiveness...that's another thing.  God has commanded me to forgive like he commands us to love one another.  But I can only do this through His Grace.  I feel I'm getting better at it, but I still rely on Grace.  I don't understand why people feel the need to be mean.  Saying and doing mean things.  This is another trial I have to understand and when my first thought is not something I want to repeat, I pray for God's Grace to help me to forgive the person.  This way, I can get out of God's way, and pray for the other person.

Until tomorrow..

Grace...