God gives a small measure of Grace to unbelievers as a gift, so they may be able to believe in Jesus...

God gives Grace to believers to be "set free from sin".

So.. God's gift of Grace is just that...a gift...

As I was talking to one of the church Elders today, and he asked what my relationship was with God and how I came to "believe".

As I thought about it, I knew I was "saved" at the age of 12, because I desired to live with God and his ways. But, as I talked with him, I realized God's Grace started long before that age.  I began to tell him about my being adopted and how Grace was evident even then.  How I went from 1 family to another and the struggles I had, even at the age of 3.  Then how Grace was involved while I joined the Lutheran church, through my Grandmother being involved in the church and the presence of my Great Aunt and Godmother, encouraging me to attend weekly services until I joined the church.  I was married in the Lutheran church.  However, my Grandmother loved Martin Luther and what he had done for the Lutheran church.  God blessed her with the gift of painting.  She painted a picture of him for the church and it hangs there, even now...40 years later...

After my getting married and having 2 children, I felt I really needed God back in my life and I needed more than just going to church.  I started to attend a non-denominational church that the preacher preached right out of the bible.  I found I loved hearing him talk about God and I really liked hearing the Gospel.  But..the thing that REALLY drew me was the music.  The church had a praise and worship band that I felt "sang to my soul".  Music has always spoken to my heart.  It seems God has a way of infiltrating my heart and desiring to be closer to Him through music.

As I talked with the Elder I started to realize the amount and influence Grace has had on my life.  When Madi passed I wanted to crawl in a hole and never come out, however, I couldn't do that.  I think God gave me shock as the Grace I needed.  Being in shock for a time, I didn't really think or feel much.  I just acted and reacted to the moment.  What ever was happening at the moment. God protected me with His Grace.

After Madi's trial, I didn't want to do anything.  Shock and depression... Even though I had 2 businesses, a mother and mother-in-law  to be taken care of and my daughter whom I didn't want anything to happen to.  I was not in a position to keep going, however, I walked and talked whatever was needed.  Fear gripped my soul.  Loss was so big I couldn't get my heart around it.  I never lost Faith, though...If I hadn't had as much Faith in God as I had, I would not have made it through.  I'm not saying everything I did was the right thing, but I kept on pushing and eventually knew I couldn't do anymore.  I didn't WANT to do anymore.  I was hurting so much...I had to go on with life, the alternative is NOT a choice, and I couldn't lose my daughter, as my Granddaughter was gone.   I had to have help and God was the only one to help me...

No one understood my feelings and I couldn't talk with anyone but God.  He listened and I talked and talked.  He never got tire of listening... Not always getting an answer the way I wanted, but He answered in His way and I listened.

I continued talking with the Elder today, telling him how I got to where I live and why.  He looked at me and said I had certainly been through a lot and I definitely knew what God's Grace is all about. I don't know about that because I still have a lot to learn about God and his teachings.  I feel very blessed to be where I am today and I am learning to live with God's Grace.  I know He is my provider, my healer, He is my everything I depend on.  I have put All my Faith and belief in Him.

God says His Grace is sufficient unto me.....

More later...