Just because I am unwanted, does that mean I am unlovable?   Are they the 1 and the same? Being unwanted means to be deficient or to be not needed, am I in a state of destruction?  Does it mean I am lacking in something or is there something absent in me? Not to be desired?

What ever it is... I 'm sure I was made that way from the beginning, not when God made me, but in what and where my life went from that time.

I was counseling with Bill last year and told him how everything in my life, except my children, was a disappointment.  He asked what I was expecting my life to be like.  After a lot of thought and another week, I was finally able to voice my thoughts.  It seemed I was expecting people to act a certain way or expecting someone to act like I thought they should, I was always disappointed because it never turned out the way I "expected" things to go...or "expected" people to react.

It was a long Christmas last year...It was the hardest thing I did and I was SO very unhappy.  Every time I "expected" something to go the way I planned...guess what!! I would get disappointed because it never happened the way "I" wanted it to...I kept reminding myself to "not expect" ANYTHING... UGH!

Living with no expectations, at first, is sad, in the fact I felt like my life had suddenly come to a halt and I wasn't going to be happy anymore... NO EXPECTATIONS OF ANY KIND...but it was supposed to mean NO disappointments, too.

Now, a year later... I have learned to live with not having EXPECTATIONS... I am much happier because I am able to see things and people for WHAT they are and WHAT they want.  I was trying to push my EXPECTATIONS upon them. When things don't go as I EXPECT, I know God has a better plan and I must be quiet and listen.

I have a friend which I talked to about this last year and she has tried to put the practice into effect.  I've seen her stomp her feet when I use the "WORD".  However, she has learned the value of not EXPECTING things to go her way.  She still stomps her feet and we smile, but it has brought us close.

I have to thank Bill for  his "therapy" sessions...With learning to not have EXPECTATIONS, because they bring on disappointment... and depression.

When I had expectations and the disappointments would come, is when I would feel unwanted....

Go in God's Grace....